I will buy you flowers…

I know this is not the typical blog post.  I know, logically, that I’m supposed to push my books and entertain you.  But you all have very real lives as do I.  You are as real as I, your problems, your family, your fears…they are all real.  Here I am, sitting alone before my laptop working on my latest novel.  I’ve written in about 10k word increments, because I’ve closed myself off in my little hidey hole and dove right in.

But my mind wandered a bit ago.  I’m thinking about You. It’s the time of year to be thankful, followed by possibly the most glorious time of year for some – yet the loneliest for others.  As our hours of sunlight start to diminish as we head into the winter season, depression kicks in.

I have a handful of folks in my life that are suffering at the moment.  My own suffering ended a very short time ago and positivity started radiating through my life.  I won a long and grueling custody battle.  I landed the trifecta of book deals and a mass reduction in stress just graced my presence.  I still have stress, don’t be misled.  But it’s not as bad as it was earlier this year.  I spent the most of 2013 in turmoil, with stomach aches and nightmares as I worried about the future of my offspring.  I sat through meetings with Child Protective Services, therapists and lawyers.  It…was…hell.  I wanted to grab a bottle of vodka and take it to bed with me.  I wanted to pass out and sleep through the madness.  But I had a duty – one that comes with motherhood.  I would fight, to the death if need be, for my babies.

There is a lot of sadness surrounding me.  For some, it’s the heartache of having a child grow into an adult.  It’s left them with a gaping hole where parenthood once resumed.  For others, it’s the end of a marriage leaving devastation and confusion in its wake.  There are parents, sobbing because the children they would lay down and die for, have turned their back, spitting on the very bond so many would give anything to have.

But I do remember all of you.  I remember you sharing with me, cheering me on, when I thought all was lost.  I remember the warm embraces, the love and understanding you showed when my knees would buckle and I didn’t think I could get through one more day.  I will not forget the support you showed me and my family.

I am here for you.  I will smile for you; curse those who’ve hurt you and hold you up when your knees are weak.  I will send you the flowers he should have, so you don’t forget how it feels.  I will buy them so you know what is waiting for you, after the healing has commenced.  I will wrap my arms around you and squeeze.  You can even cry and snot on my shirt.  It’s okay, I’m a mom.  I’ve had tears and snot on  me before.

Most of all, I’m here to give you back some of the love you’ve given me.  Because without you, I could not have made it this year.  It’s my turn.  And in the spirit of this month’s holiday, I’m thankful for you all.

 

 

Raising Awareness

If you’ve read my books, you may have noticed a common theme.  I’m not referring to the demented serial killers I tend to create.  No, I seem to add a common theme that until now, I had not noticed.

Abuse.

It wasn’t until recently the I realized how much abuse I add in my novels.  Women and children suffer in my books as they often do in real life.  Abuse is very common and it scars deeply…sometimes the scars go unseen because sometimes they’re emotional.

While I had terrific parents who did everything in their power to protect me, I fell victim to abuse as a young teen.  Later in life, I would marry an abusive prick who would change me forever.

I didn’t realize that after all these years, I’m still writing about these issues because like a tattoo, my scars are with me forever.  I’m currently in a custody battle for my children.  It has gotten so involved and so nasty that Child Services has stepped in.  I signed a stupid confidentiality agreement so I can’t say much more than that (have to protect the EX you know….)  But thankfully, it’s all about to be over and hopefully, there is some justice in this world and I can give my kids a happy remainder of what’s left of their childhood.  If not, I will die trying.

Part of the services that CPS put in place was a therapist to help me deal with my scars…the ones no one will ever see.  She’s a very neat lady and just when I think that I have nothing to talk about anymore, 90 minutes has past and I’ve been flapping at the gums.  In talking to her, I’ve realized that I haven’t healed as much as I thought I had.  And this is more than likely why I write strong female main characters that have overcome horrendous circumstances.  Yoder’s Farm contained so much abuse that it’s become a bit controversial (Yes, I made the Amish the bad guys…sue me.)

But because this is an important issue to me and too many others, I’ve sat and thought about how I can give back.  How can I, one broken woman, make a difference?  This is how…

From now, until the end of May, I’m selling autographed copies of my books on my personal webpage (WordPress doesn’t allow me to monetize this page.)  So if you go to my Author Home Page, and buy my books using the Paypal Link provided, I will donate the profits to Children of Domestic Violence (You can learn more about the organization by visiting http://cdv.org/)

At the end of May, I will total and post what we were able to raise for this cause.  Thank you for helping me raise money and awareness.

Ye have little faith!

When the spouse and I made the decision for me to quit my 60 hour a week, thankless job and write full time, it wasn’t a decision we took lightly.  Not at all.  Since November, I’ve published one book and just finished the first draft of another.  That’s not the speed I wanted, but that’s where I am.

My dirty little secret is that I started cleaning houses to give me a little cash.  It’s slow going but a few more houses and I’ll be making a living.  But again, I don’t really see why this affects anyone else.

I’ve reached a point of frustration recently that I never saw coming.  What I do for a living now takes thick skin.  I have to keep faith in myself, my writing and my ability to market etc.  So when family calls to tell me that Home Depot is hiring cashiers, I want to scream.  First, I have a college education and a decent IQ.  I will not be a cashier, thank you very much.

There are support groups for insecure writers.  There are countless blogs about writers in disbelief that they’re actually getting somewhere.  It isn’t easy keeping yourself motivated on an average day.  But I find the strength to dig down deep and hold my head up high. I do believe in myself.  My wonderful husband believes in me and has taken all of the financial stress on himself so that I can do this.

If you are writing, publishing and selling books, you’re an AUTHOR.  It’s a thankless job.  It’s not a get-rich-quick lifestyle.  Even if you go the traditional route, your advance is between $5k-$15k especially as an unknown author.  But like any business, you must make an investment to reap the reward.

Home Depot can keep their cashier position.  I’m building a legacy here!

Tell me, Authors… how do you keep your head up?  What line did you draw in the sand to say, “Hey, I’ve made it!”?

Creme Cheese Masochism

Building conflict is essential in a novel.  This has been drilled into our heads over and over again.  It’s easy to build conflict with a killer on the loose with real, well fictional, life or death situations.

Conflict… doesn’t always have to be life or death.

I’m the epitome of conflict as I have an obsession with baking in the midst of bikini season.  I mean really, who bakes a rhubarb pie, two loaves of bread and dinner rolls while walking miles each day with her daughter to try to remove the evidence of our creme cheese addiction?

I’m a masochist.  Today, we add weights to our workout routine… and maybe another mile.  I’ve gone up two sizes and if this doesn’t stop, when I walk it will look like two muskrats fighting in a gunny sack when I walk.  I like my cheese on a bagel, not on my legs!

My daughter has put on 8 pounds since the end of school.  But, she was a size zero so she could afford the extra weight.

Someone should lock me out of the oven.  But then again, I’m creative.

I’m considering seeking professional help for my baking addiction.  I’m certain it has something to do with growing up poor and not wanting anyone to be hungry… or the smell of anything baking in the oven…or a nesting instinct…  Maybe I have mommy issues.

HELP?

Any other masochists out there?  How do you keep yourself in check?

 

Not 21 Anymore! My Boob Hurts.

With the spouse working an ungodly amount of hours, summer break here and our half of the summer with our children, it’s been all responsibility and no adult time for weeks.  So my parents took my kids for the weekend, his daughter stayed with friends and his adult son watched the dogs for us.

What did we do?  Oh, we forgot that we’re not 21 anymore.  We partied with friends Saturday night, then slept for a few hours before taking the three hour long drive to Michigan International Speedway.  Tired and a little hungover I figured I could sleep in the car.  Wrong.  I just couldn’t get there with my head bouncing off the doorjamb and Pantera blaring at 20 billion jigawats!

Driving through three hours of rain, it wasn’t looking good for the race.  I had checked the weather the day before and it called for rain in the morning, but it looked like there would be a race.  Now, I wasn’t so sure and in the state I was in, my judgement definitely needed questioning

We huddled under a large umbrella and commenced taking in a little Hair of the Dog.  Thanks to the rain gear and alcohol, we really didn’t care much that it was raining.  We made friends with our neighbors, as we most often do tailgating at any NASCAR track.

The rain finally cleared and we made the nearly two mile walk to our spot in turn 4 of the infield.  Sitting in the sun, I finally was able to doze of for awhile, despite the roar of the race cars.

Poor Joey hit the wall

My girlfriend, her husband and I took the nearly mile walk to the restrooms halfway through the race.  On the way back, my attention span was that of a peanut.  So much to look at, trying to see the cars, fatigue and a little intoxication I wouldn’t have noticed a freight train coming at me.  So when I heard, “Look Out!” it was too late.  I caught a football in my right breast.

My friends were worried.  The football hit me hard.  I kept walking and told the guy as he tried to apologize that I was fine.  I grew up on a farm surrounded by boys and it wasn’t the first ball that hit me.  It’s actually not the first ball to hit the chesticle either.  By the time we got back to our seats, it really hurt.  I took a water bottle from the cooler and tucked it inside my bathing suit.  Truth was, dad may have taught me to be tough, but I was crying inside.  My BOOB?  REALLY?  Not the ta taas!

I’m trying to smile… really I am.

I finally got some sleep, re-hydrated and I’m off and running today.  I have to drop my dog off for x-rays, drive half an hour to get my kids then go clean a house.  The chesticle still hurts a bit today but thankfully, I think the girls will be just fine.

But, I’m too damned old to party like it’s 1999 any more.  My boobs just can’t take the heat!

YumDay

Mondays blow.  Everyone complains about them.  Me particularly?  I work from home, so Monday is no different than Wednesday.  But, for all my special people out there, in dire need of something to look forward to…

I hereby deem Monday now Yumday.  Every Monday Yumday I will be posting a little eye candy for both my male and female readers.  Feast your eyes on today’s Yumday candy.

For those wanting to gaze as male awesomeness, I bring you:

Yum, that’s why

At 42, Matthew is my eye candy of choice.  Who doesn’t love a guy that plays the bongos naked… especially when he looks like this?  Pshaw on his neighbors for complaining!

Bedroom Eyes

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

For those who’d like to gaze a the female hotty of today, I bring you…

Gina Carano, MMA beauty queen

Gina Carano!  This breathtaking beauty is a brawler.  Hard to believe that face has taken a beating.

Yes… she can kick your ass

We love strong women.  Gina epitomizes that.  She’s strong, successful and sexy.  That’s why Gina is my girl crush of the week.

I hope you’ve enjoyed Yumday.  Stay tuned for next week’s Yumday eye candy!

Things Just Stay Weird

I’m a skeptic.  I never believe something someone tells me.  I always do the research and I believe that qualifies as continuing education.

We now live in a world with real zombies.  I don’t enjoy zombie books or movies, but in the year 2012 we have bath salt eating zombies.  Hooray for us.

We’re a bit different in the Mullican house.  If you’d like to find out why (and maybe get a chuckle) you can find out by reading:  The Reason I do not Write Romance; Where’s my Bio Hazard Suit; When Prissy Just Won’t Do; My DNA Ends up in the Weirdest Places or yes, it’s titled: Shaving my Kitty.   Rereading some of these has given me a good laugh.

If you would have asked me a decade ago, if I would have been on the phone being interviewed by a ghost hunting team, I would have laughed in your face.  But today, I had just such an interview.  Over the last five years or so, we’ve had… issues in our home.  The kids no longer believe the bullshit excuses I’ve come up with so it’s time for help.  Thanks to shows like Ghost Hunters, people are less afraid to admit such a problem exists.

Now I’m certain that if we have ghosts, they think I’m just as scary when they see me Yelling At My Laptop.  This is probably the reason they like to throw stuff around my house.  I’m okay with people thinking I’m bat-shit crazy, nuttier than rat shit in a pistachio factory or maybe just a little eccentric.  Yes – we have ghosts.  I have evidence.  And if you don’t believe in them, stay a night in my house… walk down my hallway without turning on the light.  Grown adults can’t do it.  My kids can’t do it.  The spousal unit and I seem to be the only ones able and I still get the creeps.  I usually talk to the cat on my way down the hallway as a distraction.

Great, now I’m the crazy cat lady too.  Phenomenal.

If you haven’t left yet, welcome aboard the crazy train where lamps fall over, growls come from thin air, my animals chase non-existent things into corners and growl, items lift off of tables and walls, random disappearing people walk down the hall and our imaginary friends crawl into bed with us.  Oh yes, there is a boogey man.  No, I no longer tell my children, “there’s no such thing as ghosts.”  And no – your comforter is not a magical barrier against all things scary.

I think I will start to name the mischievous little bastards.

I cracked a joke via Twitter that with two large breed dogs (1 American Bulldog at 120 lbs and a 5 month old English Mastiff who is now dwarfing the bulldog) and a room full of guns that I wasn’t afraid to be home alone at night, “not even from bath-salt eating zombies.)  Truth is, I can deal with the zombie.  I can kill it.  How do you deal with something that’s already dead?  Something that is frightening otherwise pretty damned brave children?

Deep Breath

I did it!  I received all edits back, made corrections and uploaded the files.  I was excited and proud.

Another book on the shelf.

But then… when my proof copy of the paperback came in, I nearly puked.  I uploaded the wrong file.  Not once, not twice but three times.  The Kindle file, the Nook file and the paperback file were – THE UNEDITED VERSIONS.  Much to my dismay, two copies of the eBooks were already sold.

Can I puke now?

I raced to take the eBooks off sale on Amazon and Barnes and Noble.  But then, (oh yes, it gets better) Comcast isn’t so Comcastic and my damned internet service went down.  Can you believe it?

An authors reputation is tenuous at best.  A beginning author can’t really afford to put unedited crap out there with their name on it.  It’s not that I’m big time and anyone really knows who the hell I am yet, but seriously. . . huge enormous faux pas.

The correct file has replaced the rough draft (yes, it was a rough draft that went out.)  😦

There are already a group of people posting on the Kindle Forums on how to avoid Indie Authors.  Some of their complaints are founded.  I’ve bought books from other Indies and wanted to scream.  They worked very hard on their book blurb and I was convinced to purchase.  I wished that they’d have spent a fraction of the time on the book as they did the description.

I’ve beta read numerous WIPs and recall the worst ever being an erotica that had to be written by a fourteen year old virgin.  It was so bad that people were moaning in extasy (yes, that’s how it was spelled through the whole novel) from having their belly kissed.  It was difficult for me not to instruct the writer to have sex before writing erotica.

But now, two people may have the same opinion of me.

So I took a deep breath.  There’s nothing to do now but continue writing and to learn my lesson.

Marketing 101

The last 48 hours I’ve literally spent nearly every waking moment all my spare time on marketing.  Not only am I marketing my three books, I’m also marketing my small business.

Full disclosure:  I totally suck at marketing.  I’ve worked in sales and took tons of business classes for my bachelors degree, but still… marketing is changing.

So what have I done?  Well, for my small business, I needed to think locally.  I ran an advertisement in a publication (and did not receive one telephone call or email.)  I went old-school and printed up a flyer with pull tabs at the bottom.  BINGO.  The freaking grocery store… that’s where my customers are coming from.  Great, I can work with that.  Time to hit the other grocery stores.  The flyer is blank (I noticed today while buying some tonic water 😉  So tomorrow, I’ll be pinning up a brand new flyer.

For my books, I’ve made two trailers.  Granted, I am an amateur at best, but what the hell.  They’re getting hits, people are seeing them and I’ve noticed a small spike in book sales… mainly because I’ve put those damned trailers up everywhere I can think of.  My local paper refuses to run press releases, so I’m getting  a copy of my three books and mailing them to the paper.  If that doesn’t work, I’m going to take a naked photo of my best endowed female friend and send that in with three more books.  I considered a bomb threat, but jumpsuit orange isn’t in my color wheel.

I’ve considered giveaways, but I need to face the fact that funds are limited.  Since old school worked for my small business, I’m moving on with that theme for my books.  No, I’m not hopping off the net, quitting blogging and writing my manuscripts with pen and paper.  But as money becomes available, I’m going to order books and “autographed copy” stickers and throw myself out there for book signings.

I’m all up for advice.  What’s worked for you?  Any marketing campaigns been effective for you?  I’m all ears (and eyes, and fingers and toes…)

Geek Mode

Ok, so I’m less than a computer whiz.  I do halfway decent, but I put on my geek cap and went to work.

I made my first two book trailers.  Here they are!