I will buy you flowers…

I know this is not the typical blog post.  I know, logically, that I’m supposed to push my books and entertain you.  But you all have very real lives as do I.  You are as real as I, your problems, your family, your fears…they are all real.  Here I am, sitting alone before my laptop working on my latest novel.  I’ve written in about 10k word increments, because I’ve closed myself off in my little hidey hole and dove right in.

But my mind wandered a bit ago.  I’m thinking about You. It’s the time of year to be thankful, followed by possibly the most glorious time of year for some – yet the loneliest for others.  As our hours of sunlight start to diminish as we head into the winter season, depression kicks in.

I have a handful of folks in my life that are suffering at the moment.  My own suffering ended a very short time ago and positivity started radiating through my life.  I won a long and grueling custody battle.  I landed the trifecta of book deals and a mass reduction in stress just graced my presence.  I still have stress, don’t be misled.  But it’s not as bad as it was earlier this year.  I spent the most of 2013 in turmoil, with stomach aches and nightmares as I worried about the future of my offspring.  I sat through meetings with Child Protective Services, therapists and lawyers.  It…was…hell.  I wanted to grab a bottle of vodka and take it to bed with me.  I wanted to pass out and sleep through the madness.  But I had a duty – one that comes with motherhood.  I would fight, to the death if need be, for my babies.

There is a lot of sadness surrounding me.  For some, it’s the heartache of having a child grow into an adult.  It’s left them with a gaping hole where parenthood once resumed.  For others, it’s the end of a marriage leaving devastation and confusion in its wake.  There are parents, sobbing because the children they would lay down and die for, have turned their back, spitting on the very bond so many would give anything to have.

But I do remember all of you.  I remember you sharing with me, cheering me on, when I thought all was lost.  I remember the warm embraces, the love and understanding you showed when my knees would buckle and I didn’t think I could get through one more day.  I will not forget the support you showed me and my family.

I am here for you.  I will smile for you; curse those who’ve hurt you and hold you up when your knees are weak.  I will send you the flowers he should have,rainbow01 so you don’t forget how it feels.  I will buy them so you know what is waiting for you, after the healing has commenced.  I will wrap my arms around you and squeeze.  You can even cry and snot on my shirt.  It’s okay, I’m a mom.  I’ve had tears and snot on  me before.

Most of all, I’m here to give you back some of the love you’ve given me.  Because without you, I could not have made it this year.  It’s my turn.  And in the spirit of this month’s holiday, I’m thankful for you all.




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