It’s okay, or it will be.


Full disclosure, this has absolutely nothing to do with books, writing etc.

As I may have mentioned before, I write not only as Kim Mullican, but also as Anita Cox. It seems I can manage one or the other, but maybe not both. Or maybe I can, but I’m not doing very well marketing my Kim Mullican novels.

Okay, this might have something to do with writing. I digress.

Courtesy of Stock Exchange

Courtesy of Stock Exchange

Have you ever had one of those days? You know, where Murphy’s Law seems to be targeting you with laser precision?

Today was beautiful. We finally reached 71 beautiful degrees, so I took a business call outside to enjoy the weather. Elderly neighbor hobbles across the lawn toward me to yell about kMart closing. Dutiful daughter speaks with him while I dart inside so as not to ruin my call. *goodbye sunshine*

After storyboarding, I decided it was time to go to the bank and do my weekly grocery shopping. While out, I decided I was thirsty and made the healthy decision to purchase a 44oz Diet Coke. The bubbly fountain goodness really hit the spot with the first sip. The second sip felt like cool heaven as it graced my tongue. Everything was okay.

So, I get home with a trunk full of groceries, about 43 oz of Diet Coke and my daughter, who dutifully helps me carry everything in. Upon unlocking the front door, the 250lb Mastiff busts through, excited that Mommy is home. He canes me in the ass with his 3 foot long tail. OUCH! With watery eyes, I carry in my purse and drink, placing them in the kitchen so I can go back out to start grabbing groceries. I received two more lashes from excited giant.

Once everything was inside, the dog finally calmed down. I thought…I thought it was safe to start putting things away. Reaching in a bag, I grab frozen goods and open the freezer door, which swings open a lot faster than I had intended, knocking 43oz of Bubbly Goodness to the floor. *Cry as I rush to grab dirty towels.*

Dutiful daughter mops up mess while I continue to put things away. I start emptying out leftovers into 250 lb dog’s bowl, which makes him happy. I dumped Bean Soup in his bowl before I realized what I did, which makes me very unhappy…because I know what’s to come.

Trash now stinks like old cauliflower which is a mixture of rotten milk and sour diapers. It’s wretched. I lift bag out of can and…you guessed it. I make another mess. So, I commence to cleaning said mess, put new bag in can and wash my hands.

Forgetting I turned up the hot water heater. OUCHY!

Make cellphone payment before I forget. Done. Feeling accomplished, I go back to story board, taking fresh can of diet coke outside. I take a sip while staring at story board (my front picture window…) and go to set down my diet coke.

giphy (5)

My nose stinging, I sling can across the yard and start an earth shaking temper tantrum, but I start laughing and cannot stop. (And I begin to wonder if I’m losing my mind.)

I surrender.

So, I make dinner, with a few interruptions and manage, while eating a burger, to squeeze grease all over my sweatshirt. (Take a deep breath and remember, you’re blessed. You actually have a cheeseburger, some don’t have that.)

Everyone goes to bed. Perhaps I can get some work done now. Husband warns me…his stomach isn’t feeling so well. I apologize then go on to work. 250 lb Mastiff now lets loose of the longest, loudest, most obnoxious fart I’ve ever heard. I evacuate the area to prevent brain damage.

When the air clears out, I sit down to work. Big boy went to go sleep with Dad. After an hour, I go to the bathroom and can literally hear spouse and dog in a heated duel of farts and snores.

Okay Murphy. You win. I’ll sleep on the couch.

 

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