I was a consistent blogger, but I’ve been absent as of late. This is due to the chaos that has been happening in our lives. I’m knee deep in trying to save my daughter’s life, combating a lawyer whose power seems to be far reaching as he pretty much represents the majority of our county government, who has used officers of the law to bully and intimidate me… and it goes on from there.
This small phrase has always annoyed me for some unknown reason. I have never believed there’s a special power that comes just from being female. I worked my ass off as a teenager, often times working full or overtime while still attending high school. It wasn’t power, it was growing up poor that gave me the drive.
Then things changed… I managed to survive an abusive marriage. I didn’t come out of it unscathed. I divorced a lawyer who managed through deviant means to keep my children, including my daughter, who I had before I’d ever met him. It’s not like he won a custody battle, he manipulated me into signing documents after I hadn’t slept or eaten in days. I have been fighting to right that wrong since it happened.
But surviving his abuse was only the first step. Getting out alive was a miracle. It took me nearly a year to find myself again, to find my strength and to discover what ‘girl power’ really was.
Not my Daughter!
There have been dozens of reports made to the Department of Child Services (or CPS depending on where you’re from,) about my ex being abusive to my children. There have been six separate investigations, but he’s a lawyer and good at manipulation and he’s managed to weasel his way out of trouble every time.
My daughter finally managed to record him. She thought she was free. She was wrong. Several things have happened that I’d love to tell you about, but after being forced to sign a confidentiality agreement by DCS, I cannot. But let me tell you this, it’s so convoluted and contrived that I don’t even believe it and I’m living the nightmare. I can only hope my baby girl survives it. But I’m still fighting, fighting for her, fighting for her sanity, fighting for her freedom and yes, even fighting to stay in contact with my children.
What Survivors Do
Surviving an emotional terrorist was no small feat. Watching my daughter fall to pieces was far beyond heart wrenching. To top it off, I’m now facing criminal charges of “custodial interference” for trying to rescue my daughter.
So, what do I do? Loads of people have told me they don’t know how I’m keeping my sanity, how I’m managing to do anything but curl up in a ball and sob. Well, first, that won’t get me anywhere. So, I grabbed my dry erase marker, opened my curtains and made a story board. I’m now diving into a new novel, partially inspired by our situation. I’m surprised I can concentrate but the only thing to do when my children are not with me is to focus and continue on with my life.
It isn’t easy… it’s a constant struggle not to pick up my laptop and whip it across the room. It’s a struggle not to grab a baseball bat and take matters into my own hands. I’d also love to grab a bottle of vodka and drink until I forget my own name, but that won’t get me anywhere but a massive hangover and a day of recovery.
So, despite the daily frustration of living with two men (my hubby and adult son) whose opinions on home cleanliness vary vastly from my own and despite the battle I’ve waged to save my children, this one woman army is marching on.