How to kill your enemies and get away with it.


I hate when bloggers whine about their problems.  Boo Hoo we all have problems.  With real problems in real life, come real enemies.  I’m going to teach you how to kill them — and get away with it.

Deep in NaNoWriMo, my creative juices are flowing like the falls up in Niagra.  So when my husband’s ex-wife, the holier-than-tho-when-everyone-is-looking-vindictive-heartless-wench-when-no-one-is decided to have a text war with me (yes, she wanted to argue via text message) I literally found it entertaining.  She was trying to piss me off and instead made me laugh.  My creative juices were already peaked and my own mother’s words were reverberating in my head.  I wanted to kill her.  Mom wanted me to kill her with kindness.

Okay, put away the shovel, garbage bags and duct tape.  I’m sorry to disappoint you.  We’re not really killing people today.  Besides, killing is messy and I really hate to clean.

Back to the case in point, one which will surely make mother hang her head in shame, I went overboard.  Go figure – I’m a writer.  If I should kill her with kindness, it was going to be absurd.  Every response of mine was sickening sweet and I resorted to calling her sweetie and sugar plum.  When the next text came in saying that I was “playing writer” I literally spit my coffee laughing.  Really lady?  I’ve published books, you work at WalMart.  So, my response was unmeasured.  I offered to sexually please her.  Wait!  Don’t go! *Sorry Mom*

You said kill her with kindness.  I thought that was the nicest offer I had to give.

That pretty much ended the text war.  She was being absurd, so I was okay continuing being absurd.  But there is a lesson here.  When some low-rent trash tries to tear you down, do not engage.  I’ve spent years fighting with assholes.  The best part is I get to creatively kill them in every book.  I’m no sadistic lesbian rapist (though now I might add one to my next book.)  When I need to insert an ultra annoying disgusting character,  I have her to model.

Like musicians, we can use the angst and frustration to launch our creativity to new levels.  In TAKING CONTROL, every man my serial killer tortured, was MY ex-husband.  Yep, that’s right.  When my scenes weren’t disturbing enough, I reached down deep to the hatred I still have for that man.  Only then, did my serial killer go from boring to disturbing.

Writers are disturbing folk.  Yes, we are (and it’s okay.)  Disagree? Edgar Allan Poe, Stephen King, shall I say more?

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9 thoughts on “How to kill your enemies and get away with it.

  1. Reading about these text messages is not as fun as if you had published them here with screen capture so that I could see them myself.

    I’m sorry you had to go through the whole text message argument thing. I don’t understand why this is more and more an acceptable way of communication. Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the written word. I appreciate twitter, email, blogs, and text messages. However, on serious matters that demand attention, a phone call is better.

    My brother is terrible at understanding this. He text messaged me from the hospital to say that he had gone there for back pain and was scheduled for an M.R.I. I was so angry. Really? A text message. Why not a phone call? So I called him and we spoke. But it really does make me mad. I’ve told him not to do it…but he still does. He says he feels that it is less invasive on a person’s time. I told him that I disagree.

    Ah well. I still think you should post those online so I can read them. Have a great weekend.

  2. Sorry that you can’t post the texts… I would have liked to seen them. Still can’t figure out why someone would choose to text-argue anyway, then all the stupid stuff they said is out there to be permanently humiliating. I try to make sure all such situations with me are confined to strictly analogue environments.

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