Life is so much better than Fiction!


So, I had some free time after work.  Ok, I didn’t have actual free time, but I made some time.  I went to Walgreens before going home tonight.  While I’m being overwhelmed by a wall of lip color, I hear the following conversation.

Lady 1 – we shall call her Pam for the purposes of this rendition.  Lady 2 – we shall call Mary.  Generic I know, but what the hell.

“Yeah, Frank found himself a young thing to play with again.”  Pam said nonchalantly.  My ears immediately perked.

“Well, who cares where he gets his appetite so long as he’s eating at home, right?” Mary laughed with each word.

“Hell, I don’t care where he eats as long as he brings home the bacon!”  Pam laughed so loud that I had to walk around the aisle and look at hair products to get a good glimpse of these ladies.  Pam, as it turned out, was quite the looker, and I couldn’t imagine a husband getting bored with her.  She was about 6′ 4″, busty and well dressed.  She was in heels, which was completely unnecessary, but did make her legs look longer and sexier.  Kudos to Pam for being a hotty in what I guess is to be her mid forties.

“You don’t mean that,” Mary said sincerely.

“Hell yes I do!  And if he can eat out every night, so can I!”  Pam held a bottle of blonde hair dye while shooting her friend a sideways grin.

I was trying not to snicker.

Mary gasped Pam’s real name.  “Are you eating out?”

“Yep, he’s eating at Wendy’s and I’m eating at Red Lobster.”  The reference nearly made me pee.

“We are still talking about sleeping with other people, right?” Mary asked, looking a little confused.

I had to steady myself on the shelf.  My laughter was beyond obvious at this point.

“Do you want to join the conversation?”  Mary asked in my direction.

I was embarrassed.  My face was blood red.  “No, I’m enjoying listening to it.  I wouldn’t want to intrude.”  That was the best manners I could muster at the time.

Pam walked the five steps toward me, grabbed my wrist and dragged me back to where Mary was standing.  “C’mon hon, it’s a friendly conversation.”

Yeah right!  (Side note, I’m also not old, and I’m blonde.)

As if I hadn’t interrupted them, they started back up.

Mary shook her head, “Why would he want someone young?  They don’t know what the hell they’re doing!  I didn’t give a good blow job until I was in my thirties.”

Juvenile giggle erupted from me once again.

“She probably doesn’t know a blow job from a Mai Thai!” Pam said so loudly, someone looked down the aisle at the three of us standing next to the hair products.

That was it – I fell out laughing.  “I love you two!”

“That’s nice, hun.”  Pam patted my shoulder like a was an obedient dog.  “So, tell me, now that you’re old enough to know how to F&*K properly – do you think that a 20-nothing would be better than this?” She asked bouncing her boobs in my face.

“No ma’am!” I said, still trying not to pee in my skirt.

“So your guy,” Mary interrupted, looking very annoyed with me, “He’s good in bed?”

“I explode every time!” Pam giggled.

Well played crazy Walgreens lady.

“Sorry ladies, but I’m running out of time.  I have to get going.  Thank you for including me.  It’s been fun… real fun.”  I held out my hand to shake Pam’s.

“What do you do, hun?” Pam asked, hugging me instead of shaking my hand.  Her large boobs nearly smothered me.

“I’m a writer.”  I said it so confidently, it startled me.  I usually tell people about my day job.  This time, I chose to share my passion.

“Do you write romantic comedy?” Pam asked.

“I do now!”  I laughed, then abruptly gasped for breath as boobs smashed in my face again.

“You’re just a doll.  Do you have a card?”  I gave her my card for the day job.  This tall busty woman told me she would come see me at work… Can’t imagine what the guys at work will think when this 6′ 4′ busty blonde comes walking in the dealership.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Life is so much better than Fiction!

  1. OMG, that has to be one of the best overheard conversations ever! The fact they asked you to join in is hilarious.

    The only memorable conversation I’ve ever eavesdropped on was on the train one time when two people were discussing their friend who had tried to keep beavers as pets. She would leave the bathtub filled with water so that they could go for a swim during the day while she was at work. One day she accidentally left the bathroom door shut and they knawed through it to get to the tub. That story pales in comparison to yours!

Amuse me

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s